Thunder Day

6am - wake up and feed cats separate meals with different medications.  Get bitten by cats.  Supervise feedings because they have different medical problems and each cat's food is detrimental to the other.

6:15 - stab cat #2 with a needle full of insulin

6:30 - make own breakfast and get ready for the day

830 - arrive at Service Ontario to update license plate sticker that husband let expire.  Oscillate between anger and laughing re: husband who said he'd replace sticker and "mail it up" to Thunder Bay and to "just avoid the cops."
8:35 -  delight in the lack of lineup at Service Ontario in small cities/towns.  Realize ownership and registration are not in glove box as anticipated.
8:45 - walk out with new sticker
8:46 - go back into Service Ontario to correct mistake on receipt re: license plate number
9:30 - realize lines do form at Service Ontario in small cities and that you just embarrassed yourself trying to convince all the workers (and everyone listening) that they wrote down the wrong license plate then realize you've been trying to convince them of your old plate number not your new one and skulk out feeling like dork in  your bright purple coat that a random stranger in line says he has noticed multiple times around town and will "totally remember you all the time now."

9:35 - score an early appointment with your chiropractor because you are right across the street.

10:00 - suggest to the pharmacist and reception at your doctor's office in Toronto that they talk to each other about why their faxes aren't working and just fill your Rx instead of using you as a go between.

10:30 - stifle urge to murder an old woman for repeatedly "trying out" every noise her phone makes at Tim Hortons.

11:00 - FINALLY pick up your Rx. Go to work.

11:05 - Be at work two hours early trying to get shit done without people interrupting you.  Get interrupted multiple times.  But it's fine.

1:00pm - multi-disciplinary meeting.

3:30 - Tx client 9/10 on the challenge-ometer

4:30 - Tx client 9.5/10 on the challeng-ometer

5:30 - run home to stab cat #2 with insulin needle.  Supervise feeding.

5:50 - take cats bowls away from them because they are bullshitters and can't be trusted.

6:00 - run DBT skills group with introverted co-leader that you love dearly and hyper-extroverted supervisor that you desperately want to be your friend.

8:00 - debrief.

8:40 - go get groceries.
9:00 - and wine!

9:30 - get home to find cat vomiting directly into your good flats.
9:31 - clean up, put away groceries, drink wine, return a few emails, realize you have a writing meeting at 7:30am that you haven't prepared for and a parent session that you are likewise unprepared for in the afternoon.  Decide nothing matters and you are just going to finish the internship so you can say you have a PhD but then really just run a cupcake shop.

10:35 - realize you haven't blogged in a while or done anything fun today.  Did you eat dinner?  Do the coldcuts at group count?  Should you eat jellybeans now?  Why did you just buy jellybeans and fragrance free fabric softener?  Didn't you get any food?  WTF?

10:36 - realize there is no way you will get enough sleep tonight as you have to get up at 5:30 and decide to have another glass of wine with your magnesium supplement and sure this banana is still good.

Lying on the Floor Listening to Comedy on Netflix

This past Tuesday was the first time since I've been up here that I left work and didn't have to do anything that evening.  I didn't have to run home and deal with writing or cleaning or go get groceries.  I didn't have to prep a session for the next day.  I didn't have to keep a health appointment.  So I left work and got in my car.  I sat there for 20 minutes unable to decide what to do next.  So I wandered around the mall for a while and went home.  After feeding the cat, I basically laid around on the carpet with Netflix on in the background.  Apparently Dave Chappelle put out a couple of specials...

So did a dude named Neal Brennan.  It's called "3 Mics."  It's him on stage with three microphones.  At the left one, he does 1-liners, at the right one, he does standup, and at the middle one he does "emotional stuff."  He's a pretty good comedian but not amazing.  I didn't like the 1-liners and was about to change the program when he started at the middle mic.  Yeah... wow, shit got deep fast.  Then I couldn't look away.

I identify with him.

...

But I don't have jokes the way he does.  I don't have that way of feeling like I'm "winning at life" for a few minutes.  I mean, I love humour but I'm not a comedian.  I don't get to make people laugh the way he does.  Sometimes I get to help people feel or heal - but I think I'll leave that thought there for now.

I'm still not sure what I want to do for my supervised practice year, although I've applied to a few places already.  I don't feel pulled extremely strongly to anything in particular, but feel like I still have a lot to learn.  Apparently, this is a sign of being ready to be done the PhD: realizing that you really still don't know a lot... but you know how to think.  I thought I would know a lot more and feel a lot more prepared when I started this whole thing a million years ago... but this is good too.  And I guess if I don't know what I "really want to do," that might mean that I could be really happy doing clinical in a wide variety of different sites.  Here's hoping.

Love,
Psyche

PS. I fixed commenting! :)